MICHAEL'S STORY
Michael Pilaar was generally known for his musical talent, but as a neighbour remarked on hearing of Michael’s death, "Michael had a talent for living". Michael was always one to make the most of a situation, and put himself forward when opportunities arose. He played a wide range of musical instruments including the cello, piano, pipe organ, drums, guitar and trombone, and in 2018, planned to study classical cello and jazz piano at Victoria University. However, in the early hours of June 23, 2017, aged 19, he quietly stopped breathing and slipped away. He left behind his two younger siblings, Anna and Jonathan, and his mum and dad, Elizabeth and Christian.
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​Elizabeth homeschooled the three children most of their lives, until Michael started school in his Year 12, Anna in Year 11, and Jono in Year 9. Homeschooling was not just a way of learning but a way of living and enabled them to develop very strong family relationships. It also enabled them to focus on music in a way they would have struggled to do otherwise. For the last few years of their homeschooling they spent an entire day every second week travelling to and from Hamilton for violin, cello and organ lessons. Anna played the violin, with Michael often accompanying her on the piano, and together they performed frequently in rest homes, public concerts, charity events and just for fun at home.
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​Michael had a mole on his leg that one day changed. He’d had it for years and wasn’t aware exactly when it began to change. He was seen by his GP in June 2015 and sent for a biopsy at Rotorua Hospital. The results came back as melanoma so he was quickly scheduled for surgery in Oct. 2015 to remove tissue around the biopsy site hoping to cut it all out. The scans came back clear and by Christmas of 2015 he thought he was all clear. But in March, three months later, he started experiencing back pain. In May intense back pain led him to the ED at Rotorua Hospital and a tumour on his rib was diagnosed. A scan revealed five tumours in his body; the cancer had returned, and was spreading aggressively. Michael had been accepted as a dancer in the inaugural “Dancing with the Stars” evening in Rotorua, a fund-raiser for Hospice, but had to pull out as pain began to limit his activities. But it was not the end of his connection with Hospice…
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​Michael took part in a clinical drug trial based in Auckland Hospital from July 2016 combining three different immunotherapy drugs. His body didn’t cope with the combination and treatment was adjusted. For a while the cancer responded to treatment and the tumours shrunk a little, but in December the scans showed the tumours were growing again. The treatment was adjusted once more, but in early March the hard call was made by his oncologist to stop all medical treatment, as it was no longer able to help Michael.
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​Michael had a strong Christian faith and wasn’t ready to just accept the terminal diagnosis, and two weeks later he decided he wanted to buy a special guitar. He wanted a Martin guitar, a top of the range instrument which the singer Ed Sheeran has made popular (“Ed Sheeran” was Michael’s nickname at school as he had similar hair colouring and a similar relaxed approach to music). He and his mum made a trip to town, Michael needing a wheelchair to get between the car and the shop. It was a painful process for him but he was determined. Once he had bought his guitar he came home exhausted but happy. However, it was the last time he walked, and he was bed-bound from then until his death 13 weeks later.
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​Michael’s final 13 weeks were very hard for all – his friends, school contacts and family. He was a vibrant, intelligent, fun-loving, positive young man and it was painful to watch him visibly shrinking. However, he never lost his sparkle, and visitors usually came away cheered by his buoyancy. The hospice nurses were very supportive and helpful, and their willingness to be available was greatly appreciated by the family.
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Michael remained incredibly positive throughout his journey. When Michael heard that his cancer had returned, he responded: “Don’t worry mum, I’ve already had a good life”. Startling and inspirational words from a 19 year-old facing death.
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Michael James Miles Pilaar 03/11/1997 – 23/06/2017 – Rest in peace